


Glass-bottomed ego

by fiireside



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Jealousy, M/M, Mild Smut, Trouble In Paradise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-23 22:29:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20897147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiireside/pseuds/fiireside
Summary: “Fuck you, Alex,” Miles says sharply. Alex’s head flies up, shocked at the sudden coldness of his words and tone. “You don’t get to be jealous like this.You’rethe one in a fucking relationship. You don’t get to throw a fit if and when I want to snog a stranger in a bar.”





	Glass-bottomed ego

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GasDancer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GasDancer/gifts).

> for my queen because i lost a bet we had and she decided she wants me to write a fic where miles and alex make each other jealous as foreplay. it kinda took a turn tho and just got really angsty (but not entirely. there's some smut. some sort of fluff there at the end as well. they still love each other. they're both just sad and life is shit)
> 
> enjoy ❤️

Alex would rather be anywhere else right now.

He came here with Miles, _only_ Miles, to a birthday party for someone he honestly doesn’t really know. They had been at each other’s sides the whole night – frankly, tonight the first time they’ve been together like this, solely the two of them, casually and flirty, in quite a while. So it doesn’t feel wholly unreasonable for Alex to be so upset at the sight of Miles snogging a random girl on the dancefloor.

Alex left for literally three minutes to go to the loo, leaving Miles with his pint and a knowing squeeze to his upper arm. The last thing he expected to return to was an empty table and Miles across the room kissing someone Alex doesn’t even recognize.

He can’t look away. Logically, Alex knows he has no right to be upset, as he’s not single, he never is, but he can’t help the fact he feels like a bucket of ice has been dumped over his head. Miles pulls back from the girl after what feels like hours but is likely only a few minutes and leans in to whisper something in her ear, making her giggle and tighten her grip on his shoulders, and making Alex’s heart twist violently. He finally tears his eyes off Miles to glare into his own drink before aggressively downing the rest of it and letting it slam back onto the table, only faintly aware of how overtly dramatic he’s probably being. He can hear Miles' laugh from all the way over here, and though it usually fills him with nothing but joy, right now it feels like shards of glass in his skin.

Pushing his empty drink away from himself, Alex huffs out a breath and practically storms outside, trying not to draw attention to himself as he does. He makes his way to the alley beside the bar before pulling out his cigarettes. His fingers won’t stop shaking; he can barely get a grip on the cigarette he’s trying to pull out of the pack, and then even worse can barely get his lighter to stay lit long enough to light the cigarette. Once it finally catches, he inhales deeply, waiting for the nicotine to seep into him and mellow him just a smidge. He leans his head back against the brick behind him and shuts his eyes, willing himself to calm down.

There’s no reason for him to be this upset. He _knows _he has no reason to be feeling this way. Miles isn’t his. Miles is single and free to do as he wishes. It’s not fair of him to feel so hurt by this, especially when this is far from the first time it’s happened. Alex has seen Miles kiss countless people, the same way Miles has seen Alex kiss all of his girlfriends at one point or another. It’s just that tonight was the first time they’d gone out and had fun just the two of them in so long, and Alex expected it to be that way the entire night. Amongst other things.

“Alex?” Miles’ voice suddenly calls. Alex startles and drops the cigarette that was still burning between his fingers, eyes flying open as he finds Miles in the dimly lit alley approaching him. “What are you doing out here? I was looking all over for you.”

“Needed a smoke,” Alex mutters. Miles stands beside him, too close for Alex’s current emotional state, the smell of his cologne filling his nose and making him want to press his face into Miles’ neck. “Didn’t think you’d notice.”

Miles looks offended by Alex’s little quip, eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrow as he watches Alex’s sheepish body language. “Really?” he starts. “Is this about that bird?”

“No,” Alex lies. He knows Miles can see right through him, but he can’t suppress the knee jerk reaction to lie and try to preserve his dignity. “Yes,” he concedes when Miles just glares at him. “I guess… I guess I didn’t think you’d do that sort of thing tonight.”

Miles scoffs. “Fuck you, Alex,” he says sharply. Alex’s head flies up, shocked at the sudden coldness of Miles’ words and tone. Miles isn’t looking at him anymore. “You don’t get to be jealous like this. _You’re _the one in a fucking relationship. You don’t get to throw a fit if and when I want to snog a stranger in a bar.”

“You don’t have to rub in in my fucking face, then,” Alex spits back, suddenly angry at Miles for being angry at him. Or maybe angry in general, angry at himself, and it’s all coming to the surface now that he has Miles’ annoyance with him to direct it at. Either way. “I haven’t seen you in ages. We haven’t been together in ages. I came here to try and make amends and you start swapping spit with someone the second I’m gone.”

“And?” Miles asks. “So what, Alex? What amends were you here to make? You thought you were going to come to London, clear your conscience by giving me some shit apology, that we’d fuck and suddenly all would be well again? Nothing’s changed! Nothing ever fucking changes with you—”

He cuts himself off by exhaling sharply and making a noise that sounds too much like a sob for Alex’s comfort. “That’s not fair,” Alex whispers. “You can’t—”

“I can’t _what_, Alex?” Miles practically yells. Alex is stunned into silence. They’ve had arguments before, and Alex has seen Miles mad at him plenty of times in the past, particularly this past year, but never like _this. _“I can’t even kiss _you_ most of the time, what with your clingy girlfriend you bring everywhere. And now you’re telling me I can’t kiss anyone else? That it’s not fair of me to call you out on your bullshit? What can I fucking do, Al?”

“I—,” Alex stammers, but quickly gives up. Miles is moving towards him, and he’s cowering back against the brick wall, letting Miles invade his space.

“Can I not have a say in how I want our relationship to be?” he says, his face so close to Alex’s their noses are practically touching. “Tell me, Alex, since you’re the one calling the shots here. What am I allowed to do?”

Alex’s mouth falls open as he tries to think of anything to say back. He can’t think of a single word to say to Miles right now. He’s so filled with emotion – with anger, with frustration, jealousy, sadness, the whole myriad of everything he’s been feeling this past year, welling up into this awful, pressured bubble that threatens to burst at any second.

Surprising himself, he suddenly moves to grab Miles’ neck and pull his face down, crashing their lips together. Miles sinks into it instantly, one hand flying into Alex’s hair and the other landing against his sternum to push him flat against the wall. Alex can practically feel Miles’ anger on his tongue now; he can’t find a second to breathe with the far from gentle way Miles is kissing him into submission. The bite Miles gives to his bottom lip, the tug on his hair, the nails now digging into his hipbone all serve to make Alex’s anger dissolve and instead turn into overwhelming want — _need_ for the man pressed flush against him. The heat of Miles’ body and the feeling of his tongue in Alex’s mouth make his head spin so fast he almost can’t stand it.

“Miles,” he gasps, eyes locked on the string of saliva that lingers between their lips for a brief second. “Let’s – we should – can we go? Please,” he starts begging. Miles is staring down at him with fully blown pupils, panting heavily against his mouth. He does nothing to lessen his grip on Alex’s hair or hip. “I’ll do anything you want. Please, Miles. I’m—”

Before he can continue, Miles is stepping back and taking Alex with him, and somehow they stumble their way into a cab with not another word spoken between them.

~

As soon as the door to Alex’s flat shuts behind them, Alex’s back is to the wall.

Miles is on his front, fingers hastily undoing the buttons of his shirt as he mouths at Alex’s neck. Both fortunately and unfortunately for Alex, Miles knows all the spots that make him tick, and he’s sure putting that knowledge to use right now. Alex’s legs feel like jelly; the pressure of Miles’ body against his is the only thing keeping him upright.

When Miles reaches the last button on his shirt, he sucks what will surely be a dark, possessive bruise in the morning right beneath his jawline, high up and blatantly visible, and pushes Alex’s shirt open and down his arms. He leaves off Alex’s neck only to take his own jacket off and lift his shirt over his head, throwing all the fabric carelessly onto the floor behind him. Alex is just staring at him unmoving, mesmerized, flushed, breathing heavily as if he’s waiting to see what Miles will do next. Alex being submissive is far from abnormal between the two of them, but right now it’s somehow different. It’s not just sexual submission that Alex is giving him here – the look in Alex’s eye is piercing through Miles, right into his heart.

He can’t help himself. He dives in, cupping Alex’s face, and kisses him hard, their lips moving together with an urgency that knocks the wind out of both of them. Alex’s nails scratch angry lines down the skin of Miles’ back, prompting Miles to pour a low moan into Alex’s mouth. Alex whines in response and pulls Miles even closer to him, their bare chests now pressed flush together. His hands come to rest on Miles’ belt buckle, but don’t move to open it – it’s as if he’s waiting for Miles to let him.

Miles pulls back abruptly, hands falling to Alex’s shoulders. “C’mon,” he huffs out as he maneuvers Alex away from the wall and starts pushing him in the direction of Alex’s bedroom.

Alex finds himself being shoved down onto his duvet, Miles hovering over him before he can even react. He watches Miles going for his fly and tugging his jeans off his legs, and then Miles stripping his own jeans and moving back on top of Alex who’s still looking at him with that misty glaze over his eyes. “Miles,” he practically exhales. “I… I’m sorry.”

Miles just rolls his eyes. He pushes the hair out of Alex’s face, trailing his fingers down Alex’s cheek and onto his neck. “Piss off, Al,” he says gently as he wraps his hand around Alex’s neck, applying so little pressure it’s barely there. It’s barely there, but Alex sure feels it alright.

Miles knows what this does to him. Alex feels like every one of his nerve endings has been set alight, and even though Miles isn’t restricting his airways at all, he suddenly cannot breathe. Miles’ eyes darken as Alex’s breath quickens, and then he just smirks.

“Hm,” he sounds as he lets go of Alex’s neck. “Good to see that hasn’t changed.”

And before Alex can even think of a response, Miles is pushing his thighs apart and pressing his mouth to the bulge in Alex’s boxers. He cries out loudly as Miles peels his boxers down his legs and puts his mouth around Alex with no hesitation. It’s almost too much for him, the way Miles is sucking him off right now, harsh and with none of the gentleness Alex so desperately needs from him. Though Miles may currently be the one with a cock in his mouth, they both know he’s the one with all the control. Alex is putty in his hands, ready and willing to do anything Miles asks of him. And right now, Miles wants him to just lie back and take what he decides to give him.

“Fuck,” Alex rasps when Miles circles his tongue around the head of Alex’s cock, both his hands pressing Alex’s hips into the mattress beneath him. Alex moves to put his hands in Miles’ hair, but just as they touch Miles’ scalp, he’s suddenly pulling back, grabbing Alex’s hands and pinning them to his sides.

Miles smiles almost venomously at him when he looks up questioningly and their eyes meet. Slowly, he lets go of Alex’s hands, moving one back to his hip and sliding the other one up his chest until he can circle it around his neck again. Alex moans, and Miles takes that as his cue to dip his head back between Alex’s legs.

~

Alex wakes up alone.

It’s still dark – in fact, it’s been only an hour since they fell asleep, but Miles is definitely not in bed with him anymore. He must’ve gotten up and left, too genuinely angry with Alex to stay even after the first sex they’ve had together in months. It was rough and hasty, Miles flipping Alex onto his front after torturing him with his mouth and giving Alex no choice but to take it as he fucked him, his hand in Alex’s hair pressing his face into the sheets, breath hot against his shoulder all the while. It was both too much and not enough, and Alex didn’t expect Miles to depart so soon.

The sight of the empty bed beside him tugs at something in his chest, and before he knows it, hot tears are welling up in his eyes. His breath catches in his throat and a weird noise escapes him as it all seemingly hits him at once. The past year in which he’s fucked his own life up again and again, the period of time before that in which he kept Miles at a calculated distance, the months after the Puppets tour ended where he felt like he was grieving a loss. It all overwhelms him and pours into the fact that Miles has gone; he up and left Alex alone in bed in the middle of the night. And though Alex has done it before, it’s different – it’s not, but it is – it’s different tonight. He needs Miles here with him. He needs to know they’re okay, or at least can be okay at some point. He—

His bathroom door suddenly clicks open, yanking him out of his rapidly spiraling train of thought. He startles and stares at the door, watching Miles’ figure come through the frame and start moving towards him.

“Oh,” he breathes, an enormous wash of relief going through him. Miles approaches slowly, sitting at the side of the bed, studying Alex’s face. “You’re here.”

Miles doesn’t say anything. He just nods once and slides under the blanket to lay beside Alex, close enough to touch but not initiating the touching himself. “Are you okay?” he asks eventually. Alex had been pathetically trying to suppress his hiccuping breaths and sniffles. Miles had been desperately trying to ignore them.

“No,” Alex answers honestly. “I… I thought you left,” he explains meekly when Miles doesn’t seem to react.

“Oh,” he says. “Well, I hadn’t. Decided I’d wait for you to kick me out instead.”

“Miles,” Alex grumbles. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t want to leave either,” Miles says. “But we both know I’m going to have to before your girlfriend arrives.”

Alex sighs shakily, wiping away the lingering tears from his eyes and rolling to face Miles. “You were right,” he starts after a moment. Miles moves to face him at that, an eyebrow raised, eyes much gentler than before as they land on Alex’s face. “Earlier. You’re right. I just… don’t like sharing you.”

Miles shuts his eyes and exhales deeply before he replies. “Alex,” he says carefully. “I’m always sharing you. You can’t— you can’t have me to yourself unless I can also have you to myself.”

“I know,” he mumbles. “I know that. I’m sorry.”

Miles doesn’t say anything. Alex reaches hesitantly to touch his face, fingers running lightly along his rough stubble Alex loves so much, tracing his jawline, lips, nose, neck. Miles relaxes into the touch subconsciously. He can’t help it. It doesn’t matter how things between them are; Alex’s touch affects him like nothing else in the world, and he’s accepted by now that’s always going to be the case.

“I don’t know why you let me back into your bed after everything I’ve done,” Alex says quietly after a few minutes. Miles opens his eyes and reaches for the wandering hand on his face, twisting his fingers with Alex’s.

“Technically, we’re in _your_ bed right now,” Miles plays, earning himself a weak kick from Alex under the covers. His small smile falls before he starts speaking again. “Because I love you, Alex.”

Alex’s heart thrums audibly against his chest at those words. It always does. “I guess I don’t know why you still do,” he whispers so quietly Miles barely hears him.

“I don’t know why either, sometimes,” Miles says just as quietly. His thumb runs over the back of Alex's hand, and a long moment goes by. “Why can’t we be together, Al?” he asks defeatedly, as he already knows the answer.

Alex exhales shakily. He never gets used to Miles’ bluntness. It doesn’t matter how much he expects it or tries to prepare himself for it – Miles just has a way of always catching him off guard. A way of constantly surprising him in every aspect of life. Things are never boring with him. Miles is the one person Alex could spend a lifetime with and never have enough of.

And that’s why he can’t do it.

“I’m a coward,” he finally answers. He knows that isn't enough to satiate Miles, but he doesn't know what else to say. It feels like voicing his fears will make them real; as if saying them aloud will plant them in Miles head and result in him acting out what he absolutely doesn't want to happen. Alex may be many things, but brave is not one of them.

“Do you love me?” Miles follows sharply, just as blunt as before.

“You know I do, Miles,” he says instantly. “But it’s not that simple.”

“It _is _that simple. You’re the one who makes everything so complicated.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex breathes. He’s so tired. He’s so tired of hurting, of hurting Miles, of missing Miles and wanting what he _knows_ he can have but is too scared to take. He wishes he could uninstall the part of his brain that tells him if he and Miles ever properly got together that it would inevitably end, that the love between them would dissipate and that they’d grow to resent each other. Or almost worse, that they’d get tired of each other and slowly just slip out of each other’s lives, becoming nothing more than a distant memory. The thought of Miles not feeling anything for him is scarier than practically all else, second only to the thought of losing Miles himself.

The noise Miles makes when he shifts around brings Alex out of his head. Alex moves to be slightly closer to him. “I love you,” he whispers gently, voice heavy with emotion, tightening his grip on Miles' fingers. Miles sighs and opens his arm in response, inviting Alex to curl into him. They stare at each other with their noses touching, and it’s all very still for a moment. The world feels like it’s stopped moving beneath them, and anything that isn’t the two of them has ceased to exist. It’s a nice feeling, being in this cocoon of his own making with Miles, but he’s aware it’s a façade. It’s only a matter of time before the spell is broken and Alex’s girlfriend comes, or Miles hooks up with someone, or Alex returns to Paris, or Miles goes back on tour. There’s always something keeping them apart. Always something.

Miles cautiously runs his hand through Alex’s hair, making Alex’s spine tingle. Before he can think better of it, he closes the tiny distance between them to press his lips to Miles’, hoping he’s conveying everything he’s feeling through the soft kiss. Everything with Miles just carries so much more weight; this simple chaste kiss fills Alex's stomach with more butterflies than anything he's ever done with any of his girlfriends, and he never wants it to end. Miles just holds his head in place with the grip he has on Alex’s hair, exhaling against Alex’s face before pulling back too soon.

“Goodnight, Al,” Miles says, his hand leaving Alex’s hair so he could wrap his arm around Alex and pull him into a tight hug – despite all they’ve said to each other tonight. Things might not be totally alright between them, but they’re here, in bed, together. And that’s something. A start, of sorts. So Alex lets himself melt into it, wrapping his arm around Miles in turn and twisting their legs together, all the tension leaving his body upon his next exhale.

“Goodnight, Mi.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for readin :) and sorry to break ur hearts


End file.
